Girl Scouts hiring collectors

The girl scouts have signed up for the War on the Poor.

In this excellent story by Lisa Gutierrez entitled Tough Cookies:Girl Scouts go after deadbeat customers, we learn that the Girl Scouts are now hiring debt collectors to collect $24,000 in unpaid cookie revenues.

How greedy can the Girl Scouts get? This vast corporate entity sells millions of dollars worth of diabetes-causing cookies every year, and they’re hiring thugs to go after $24,000?

It just isn’t fair. This is a naked attack on the sick and the poor; why, in a scientific survey I totally made up in my head, 90% of the people who didn’t pay for their girl scout cookies bought aspirin the week before. That means they’ve got a medical condition! They can’t be expected to pay for their cookies!

Now, people ask how I can include people who buy aspirin in my imaginary survey. Well, even if I left out the aspirin part, it wouldn’t change my statistics (because they’re made up!); all of those consumers bought other products, like ibuprofin and band-aids. So it’s definitely safe to say that all of these so-called “deadbeats” are suffering from unexpected medical emergencies (in my imagination).

And it goes further than that. In an economy where girl scout cookie buyers are being squeezed by rising health care, automotive, and home costs, it’s just wrong for the Scouts to be disproportionately harming people who don’t pay for the cookies they ordered through no fault of their own. The fake news journal “The Paris Business Review” states that 90% of people who don’t pay for their cookies can’t due to illness. Another 50% can’t pay because of divorce, 40% because of death in the family, 70% because of job loss, 50% because of medical emergencies, and only one-twelfth of one-half of one percent because they don't want to.

This attack by the girl scouts on hard-working families should be remembered the next time they offer to sell you cookies on credit. They know the risks! They shouldn't let people who can't afford to pay write a check for their cookies.

And now that the Girl Scouts will be collecting all that unpaid cookie revenue, does that mean they'll lower the price of their cookies for those of us who aren't "deadbeats"? Heck no! Will the greed never stop?

Comments

[Jeff Michael]

Jeff, I usually like your blog, but you’re way off on this one. Those cookie thieves are deadbeats, plain and simple. They’re stealing from the rest of us when they don’t pay for their cookies.

Don’t hand me that “medical expenses” crap, either. My made-up statistics show that people are buying aspirin and ibuprofen to cure their hangovers. Hangovers! Are we to have sympathy for these drunks who don’t pay for their cookies?

Whatever happened to personal responsibility? They ordered those cookies, they ate those cookies, shouldn’t they be expected to take personal responsibility to pay for them?

Once upon a time in this country, a person would have been ashamed to order Girl Scout cookies and not pay for them. But that stigma is sadly gone. The Scouts have to employ debt collectors in the face of all that consumer apathy.

And those debt collectors aren’t thugs. Only MOST of them engage in abusive collection practices, not ALL of them. In the future, check your facts before you attack an industry you don’t know everything about.

And about this “they know the risks” junk… how are the Scouts supposed to know if the cookie buyer is a credit risk? Skin color? You racist.

Oh, and that part about lowering cookie prices, well, I agree with you on that one.

Those who order cookies should pay for them. That’s the American way.

- Jeff

[Jeff Michael]

Jeff,

Thanks for the comment. Insightful as always, but you completely miss the larger point. Girl Scouts sell you cookies that are loaded with sugar, which in turn give you Diabetes. You DO understand that eating too many cookies can give you Diabetes, don't you?

Then after you're completely broke from buying insulin, they call in their goons to collect on the cookies that made you sick! Don't you see how vicious the cycle is?

I expect you to retract everything you said that doesn't agree with me 100%.

-Jeff

[Jeff Michael]

I'm not retracting anything, you putz!

It says RIGHT THERE ON THE BOX that the cookies are loaded with sugar. What else are the Girl Scouts supposed to do? They can't be responsible if people don't read the fine print.

- Jeff

[Topher]

Too many cookies today Jeff?

[djacobs]

The National Cookie Council can help!

The National Cookie Council has launched an agressive telphone campaign to reach out to people who simply bought more cookies than they can handle.

"Our Non profit group (with several other for profit parties) can hold your cookies for you.. while we negociate with those evil girl guides". Said spokesperson Harvey Cookie.

"And when it comes to your weight gain, or other health concerns don't worry, of the Current Consumers 24,973 we have taken cookies from only 638 actually ended up eating theirs.

We are proud to announce that our executives will not take payment for this service in cash, but may nibble on... let's say 450,000 cookies a month".

For more information visit the NCC at http://www.ncc-receiver.com

[Debt]

Debt: "How To Get Out Of Debt By: John Mussi "

Debt: "Eliminating Credit Card Debt By: Alan Barnes "

Debt: "We all know about debt. If you don't have too much as an individual you can increase the quality of your life,"